Staying Safe

How can I keep my kids safer online?
When it comes to online safety, it’s pretty simple and a little common sense goes a long way! It helps to imagine the online world as a bigger version of the real world. Just like in a big city, there are good places, and not so good places – as well as laws (like the new Harmful Digital Communications Act) designed to help protect us all.
Digi-Savvy parents teach their kids the same rules online as they do in real life: avoid strangers, don’t give out personal information, and talk to a trusted adult if you see anything that makes you uncomfortable. And advice for parents is simple: don’t be afraid to say no! You wouldn’t let your kids watch an inappropriate movie or wander into a nightclub, so you should also set limits on which websites, games and apps are okay to use.
It’s important for you as a parent to be up to speed so if anything does go wrong, you know how to give the right advice.
The safety issues we hear about most are sexting and cyber bullying.
Sexting simply means exchanging images of a sexual nature. Often young people can feel pressured into sending images, and they don’t stop to consider the potential consequences. Cyber-bullying encompasses cruel or upsetting TXTs, emails or messages and are the online version of playground bullying. Kids need to know it’s not okay to be the target – or the bully. We’ve put together some expert tips on how to prevent and deal with cyber here, or you can go straight to cyberbullying.org.nz. And if you need more formal help, the new Harmful Digital Communications Act (HDCA) specifically discusses children and teenagers as being susceptible to “harmful communications”. This act includes new measures to help victims, ways to simplify the process for getting harmful communications off the internet quickly and effectively, and new criminal offences to penalise the most serious perpetrators. You can read more about the HDCA here

If you are concerned about particular mobile numbers, Vodafone Blacklist makes it easy to block unwanted TXT and PXT messages. Find out more about it here.

The Parenting Place: Does your baby have a digital footprint?

Does your baby have a digital footprint?

John Cowan from The Parenting Place shares his thoughts on whether our social media sharing is affecting our kids.  For more info on The Parenting Place, click here.

As an inveterate show-off, I love social media. I Tweet, I Instagram, and I’m an embarrassingly profligate Facebooker. But if I was a parent with young children, I would pause a little before posting pictures of them on social media. Posting is as permanent as a tattoo, and whatever you post about your children will be available to the world for the whole of their lives.

It is now normal for every moment of a child’s life to be logged on social media from birth. According to internet security company AVG, a quarter of all children in the western world first debut on Facebook when a parent uploads their pre-birth scans. In 2010 (and 2010 is a long time ago on the internet), 81 percent of two year olds had a digital footprint. In 2015, the online safety site The Parent Zone claimed British parents posted on average 973 photos of their children before they turn five.

The question everyone seems to be asking is, “Does this matter?” The big worry is that somehow paedophiles will get to our children, but in actual fact, this is probably not a realistic worry. According to Stephen Balkam of the Family Online Safety Institute, “Research shows that there is virtually no risk of paedophiles coming to get kids because they found them online.” There are predators, but their prey is usually young teenagers who respond to messages and comments through their own social media accounts, not via their parents’ activities.

The real risk is to our children’s privacy – something that will become vanishingly small and increasingly precious as they get further into this digital century. I don’t know you or your children but if I wanted to, I could find out a staggering amount just by doing some digging on the internet.

Each week I research a different person for a radio show interview, and my guests are frequently amazed at the details I have been able to dredge up – even with my minimal skills, and by delving into legitimate sources. How many of your child’s future security questions (first pet, mother’s maiden name etc.) are already available? And what personal information could cyber-criminals obtain?

Young people might be ahead of us in this area. 76 percent of teenagers are concerned about their online footprint and may resent the fact that we put up embarrassing pictures of them before they could give consent.

My advice – use Instagram. You can share images just as easily as Facebook, but only to the specific people you want, like friends and family. Facebook’s privacy is too complicated and changing to guarantee that. The Family Online Safety Institute (fosi.org) has some very sensible tips to consider when posting photos –

  • Is it a respectful picture?
  • Are there other people in the picture?
  • Did you ask their permission to post their picture?
  • Is there anything over-exposed in this picture that you may regret later?
  • If you are tagging people, did you ask their permission?
  • Do you have your location turned off?
  • Limit who sees your children

I have been a speaker on family matters for 20 years but I do not tell embarrassing stories about my kids or show pictures of them, apart from ones they themselves have approved. (People sometimes tease my kids, “I’ve heard all about you at your father’s talks!” but they know the truth – I do not talk about them.)

One day our children will get to decide how much of their lives they display on social media and, of course, we hope they are wise. Until then, we are custodians of their permanent, online privacy. Let us be cautious and wise.