HOW TO IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHILDREN: 3 PRACTICAL TIPS

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS WITH CHILDREN IN CRISIS SITUATIONS

Relationships with children can become difficult in crisis situations. Moments of profound uncertainty, such as the one we are still going through, have put parents in front of new and different difficulties: the lack or reduction of work, fears for the health situation, the accumulation of care tasks for their children once shared with school or grandparents. In the same way, the children have also lived, and many still continue to live, with growing tiredness and agitation, the compression of their sociality imposed by the rules of physical distancing.

In this situation , parents feel strongly under pressureand the risk is not being able to better manage the whim or situations of tension or conflict with their children. When stress takes over, it can happen that you lose control and say or do things that you regret. When a child does something they shouldn’t have done, sometimes the response as a parent can be to raise their voice, scold, give punishments, and sometimes even spank. Even if you don’t want to behave like this, you don’t really know what else to do. Very often we just react to situations instead of making reasoned choices .

RELATIONSHIP WITH CHILDREN: 3 USEFUL TIPS

Here are 6 useful tips to improve the relationship with children . These are simple strategies that can help parents manage possible stressful situations.

1) BE INDULGENT WITH YOURSELF

There are no perfect parents , every situation and relationship is unique. If you think that the tense situation with your child is getting out of hand, give yourself time just for yourself to reflect or just to breathe and calm down, ask your partner for help or seek a comparison with friends and relatives. Asking for help or a confrontation is not an act of weakness but of profound awareness.

2) ADVANCE AND REDIRECT

All children behave badly at times and in a situation of distancing and revolution of the daily routine like the one we live in, they can be even more reactive than usual. An annoyed response from your daughter who is usually always polite , or the snout holding your son in front of the TV can all be considered small warnings that the situation can escalate and explode into a conflict between siblings or with you parents. Take these signsrequires the parent to be very aware of noticing mood changes in their children and asking some initial questions (will they be hungry, sleepy, tired, has something happened with some friend or acquaintance?) and actively try to redirect the shot while it is on time . Sometimes it is true that children do not show signs that they will do something they should not have done or that the situation will degenerate shortly thereafter but sometimes the signs are there and the parent can pick them up. In this way you can easily distract the little ones by starting to tell a story or singing a song together or arriving in the room with a new game trying to distract both the brothers who were about to start arguing. Sometimes we just have to try to anticipate events and find small strategies that can change their course.

3) SAY NO TO THE WHIM BUT YES TO THE CHILD
Each child and each parent-child relationship is unique but one thing we can give you for certain is that the first step to effective discipline is based on the parent’s ability to tune into the child’s emotions. Tuning in means recognizing the child’s emotions , with non-verbal cues such as physical contact, facial expression, and non-judgmental listening (although what your children do may make you angry or upset). Only once you have been able to emotionally tune into the child (and once he has calmed down) can you try to discuss what happened. Getting in tune does not mean being permissive but rather the opposite. Create a climate and an empathic connectionit must go hand in hand with the creation of precise rules and limits. Children need rules, a predictable environment, to know what to expect from mom and dad but they are unlikely to understand the rules or cooperate with you parents if they are upset, shaken or angry.

HOW TO BEHAVE WITH CHILDREN IN ADOLESCENCE? 3 TIPS FOR PARENTS

Teens face an incredibly complex world and are tasked with learning how to navigate it successfully. In this long and important phase of life they learn to understand all the pieces that make them what they are, shape their identity, learn what it takes to become independent.

Understanding typical adolescent behaviorand the biological, emotional and cognitive changes they experience is the first step in facilitating the management of the parent-child relationship during adolescence .

There are many changes that have taken place during these years, but there are three aspects that we consider central to addressing the transformation of the relationship between parents and adolescent children .

TEENAGE CHILDREN, 3 TIPS FOR PARENTS

1) DON’T BLAME THEIR EMOTIONALITY

As a child approaches adolescence , his emotions become more intense. How do we know? It’s not just for the slamming doors and pouting at the table.

One study has shown that children, adolescents, and adults respond very differently when shown the image of an emotionally expressive or neutral face. They found more intense emotional responses among adolescents and a relatively mild response among both children and adults. This means that teenagers feel and perceive much more stronglyemotions. They are also more likely to see them in other people, even if there aren’t any. When you show a neutral face to a teenager, their amygdala activates: they think the person is having a negative rather than neutral emotional response.

The downside to this increased emotionality is that teenagers can become more easily irritable , angry and moody. These intense subcortical influences may seem to come out of nowhere. If an adult scolds the teenager just for being very emotional, it will push him away.

2) DON’T ESCAPE CONFLICT, MANAGE IT

Children have a great need for relationships with adults , and therefore also for conflict. In adolescence there seems to be the urge to do what one could not do. Transgression becomes an essential element in the growth path that leads children to confront their own responsibilities, with freedom, and therefore with the consequences of their actions. In this the role of parents is fundamental. Relationships with adults characterized only by collaboration, without any push for rebellion or conflict, do not contain developmental factors. It is essential for children to experience the authority of the adult, they must be rigorous in setting precise limits. Only in this way will we give him the opportunity to truly transgress and understand any errors.

A teenage child is very likely to get angry with a parent , their ideas and advice, and there will be times when they think it’s unfair. All right. In fact, it’s really good for a child to challenge parents’ perspectives and use how they respond to guide his new learning. How they deal with it will be learned in large part from how parents also handle conflicts.

It is good to remember that with every attempt to resolve the fight, successful or not, the brain of one’s child grows and develops. This is also a way of learning to be in the world. Adolescence won’t last forever, the most “stormy” period is usually at the beginning of this phase and subsides around 17 or 18 years. Hold on!

3) LEAVE SPACE

An important component of adolescence is not only “learning who you are” (ie your identity), but also learning to fit into society. Teens’ basic social focus shifts from family to friends. Although parents are still influential, peers begin to exert a greater grip on the way people think and behave. but it is an important step to take during this time. Teens need to spend time with other people their age to develop social skills and feel a sense of belonging. Spending time with each other helps teens learn how to interactand form positive connections with other people, especially those who might be very different from them.